My mother will tell me that typing this down is a dumb move, even if I don’t send this across.
I just wanted to let you know that I hate the fact that your life isn’t perfect right now and I hate the fact that I can’t share the pain with you. I’m sorrier than you can ever imagine for walking away, and staying away. It has not been easy. And a part of me does hope that it wasn’t easy for you, while another part (the good part) of me prays that I did not hurt you in any way.
With you, everything was & still is new. I have never felt the utter confusion, delusions, helplessness, joy or sorrow as when it was attached with you. I wish I could go back and undo and redo so many things, but my mind still tells me that it would be futile.
The point of this mail is simple, though. I still care, although I might seem not to. I pray for your happiness each night, although I ignore you when I see you.
When times get hard, and you get messed up, know that someone believes in all that you do and in the twisted ways you do it; someone misses you, even though she’d laugh at such a notion in public; know that someone cared, still cares and thinks about you fondly.
You are talented, independent and fierce. And that’s a combination Kings are made of. Someday, you’ll rule the world, even as it conspires day and night against you. I have faith. I hope you do too.
I have a feeling we won’t get to say Goodbye. I just wanted to say goodbye. Hope you always have all that you need, and much, much more.