It was a foregone conclusion. I was naïve and stupid enough to have thought that I could have a happily ever after in Chennai. It was forced, unnatural and wrong, and this was obvious during the second half. Period.
Like every relationship, it did not start out this way… In the beginning; it was beautiful and charming, mysterious and alluring. The city flirted with me with its exoticism- the language rolling off the tongue, mispronounced, funny and sweet… the scents, all striking, arousing headiness by aroma of jasmine and coconut… the sights were all novel, unabashed and bold, making me feel like a foreigner in my own country.
Today, the language irritates me, just because it’s the toughest language to learn and I haven’t had the time/inclination to learn it. The scents cause a headache, like when you are stuck in an elevator with a person who has accidentally or intentionally emptied a bottle of mediocre perfume on herself. The sights are all the same. And all three aspects together make just the right concoction of annoyance.
But, it is not in my nature to fight or call off a relationship in anger. No, anger does not take a part in the decision making at all. I much rather brood over the actual possibility of a relationship working, ticking off all checkpoints on the notepad of logic. Yes, Chennai and I were never going to work. It was destined to be. I had known the facts of the matter, and heard the little voice in my head .Yet; I had just turned a blind eye to the facts in my infatuation. And I had given it a year, just like I give every affiliation a chance. And finally, Chennai proved unsuccessful in having a hold on me.
Divorce is a sad word. It implies time wasted, emotions exhausted, possibilities lost. But with Chennai, the divorce is different. I swear I will never come back. Yet, I will always be fond of the memories that it gave me. I know today, I struggle to tolerate every single thing this place has to offer. Yet, I will always be thankful for the experience, because to know is always better than to not know.
Chennai is that fling that should be had, just so you know that it would’ve never worked. It’s that short affair that you must have just to educate yourself and make yourself aware of certain traits and qualities of yourself. It is that ‘silly thing you did’ just because you could.
Chennai and I are getting a divorce. I’m moving back home.