How To get hits on your blog – List of 5.

So, in other news, I’m going to turn 25 in under a month. And my similar aged fellow bloggers have already done a piece on “Dear Quarter Life Crisis – don’t be a pain in my behind.” So of course, in my innate need to be different I couldn’t possibly do an ‘expectation setting and goals and objective sign off’ with my future self which was bound to resemble any and all ‘resolutions’ tagged post I’ve ever written, partly because my basic wants never change and mostly because I don’t have one creative bone in my body.

So what could I do to make my 25th exciting? What do I do to make that elusive drumroll roll the way it had never rolled before? There is a good chance I’ll be sitting at home watching TV and eating junk food on my 25th, so for the want of a more entertaining and action provoking pathway to my 25th, I challenged myself one idle afternoon last week to reach 10,000 hits on my blog before my birthday & in a manner that would make Barney Stinson proud, I got all wide eyed, and straight backed as I thought in my head, “Challenge Accepted!”

The problem is this. I need 80 hits per day till May 13th, 2012 to reach that goal, as against the 5 hits I get on any good day & so I went around telling my fellow pals about my new challenge and they incidentally turned out to be more ‘marketing majored MBA s’ rather than just the run of the mill buddies enthralling me with theories on branding and positioning, and spewing strategy and tactic analysis like no one’s business. Add a target to something creative and these MBA Mark-Fin types just have to get involved. I was given lessons in the art of getting hits on the blog by fellow experienced bloggers as well, which is what this post is about. (Regret the long prologue.) (Regret talking like an MBA type.)(No HR jokes allowed.) Anyway, coming to the top five ways to get hits on your just another wordpress blog hanging in this big virtual world of blogging.

  1. List it out.
    1. People are apparently crazy about lists. For the anarchic world we live in, I guess it provides a nice ‘appearance’ of sanity.
    2. I can verify this because I got a lot of hits for my blog – 50 reasons why a girl should not get drunk. Link :
    3. Unrelated, but good to know fact: I got lectured nice and proper for the above said post by my parents.
    4. Also, high on the hit list was another ‘list’ type post of the 24 crushes I had in college. It was aptly & simply called ‘The List’. Link:
    5. I guess I’m about to get lectured on this as well…anyway, moving on…
  2. Anything to do with women gets hits.
    1. Bollywood item songs or soap bar, toothpaste, perfume & even tea commercials prove the sad, but true nature of things that sell,and its not the aforesaid soap bars, toothpastes, perfumes or tea leaves.
    2. No, I’m not game to get into a debate about this.
    3. One of my fellow bloggers said and I quote, “anything REMOTELY related to girls and sex will get you hits. I get some truly weird searches. I wrote about Mallus in one post and aunties in some other…turns out lots of people are looking for a combination of the two.”
    4. Unrelated, but good to know fact: He gets 2,000 hits per month on his blog when he doesn’t write anything. And I currently hate him out of sheer jealousy. BTW, link here: I love his blog!! Hate him, but love his blog!
  3. Tagging
    1. This I’ve heard from a lot of sources. A lot of bloggers rely on traffic from google & bing searches on topics like “mallu aunties” to reach websites of a certain nature.
    2. It’s an underhanded thing to do, but I just may put the ‘mallu aunties’ tag on every post I write.
    3. You are not allowed to judge me on my race to get hits.
    4. Any comments on ‘write because you want to, because you cannot help it’ will be met with cool indifference.
    5. Unrelated, but good to know fact: I’m going to tag the g’s out of tagging in this post. Please do check.
  4. Make it a ‘How-To’ post.
    1. Like lists, ‘how-to’ posts also get hits tells me my ‘justpazz-2000-hits-per-month’.
    2. I have done some of those too. (See my not so subtle links to other posts to get more hits?!)  Like How to get over a guy in 10 days. Nope. Not going to give you that link. It’s a post marked ‘private’ now.
  5. Publicize.
    1. Facebook & twitter, stumbleupon & reddit, google +1s & liking & commenting on other people’s posts – that’s what I’ve been told.
    2. I think the above is a piece of bull, though. I’m sure people have hidden me from their FB timeline and un-followed me on twitter because of the perception of spam-like-wordpress-updates. Because it just can’t be that I when I have 130 twitter followers & 300 odd facebook friends that I get a total of FIVE, yes FIVE hits on  any new nlog post I write.
    3. And yet, I get the occasional – ‘oh you write so well’ ping which is quickly followed by ‘can you get me a job in the company you work for?’
    4. Maybe I’m disillusioned. Maybe I should quit blogging. But maybe… just maybe, I reach that 10K spot before I am on the wrong side of 20.
    5. Read above. The point is publicize. Retweet this link. Share on FB. Do what you can to help me get the only thing I want this birthday. Just around 80 hits a day on my blog till May 13th, 2012.

Special thanks to Paras Sharma of the ‘justpazz-2000-hits-per-month’ fame for spending majority of today listening to my rants of how much I hate him, and of course for being the only ‘cool’ part of this 1,050 character long post.


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