Mind Unmade


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I oscillate, hesitate

Make up my mind, & change it again

Gather the courage to flee from the scene

Or remain cowardly stranded, feet planted on the ground

But I will refute them just because I can

Just because they thought I won’t

Just because I like to prove them wrong

 

I don’t quite understand the rush

I know it may not hold me in good stead

But just as soon as an expectation standard is set

I can’t help but make a personal bet,

Time to surprise them, my heart sings

And I feel glee at the shock it brings

 

I vacillate, waver & never comply for long

I will never try to blend in, since I know I don’t belong

But if they feel I’d be a certain way

Be sure that I am bound to stray

I never commit, I like variation too much

And as life goes, I’ve lived it just as such

 

If there is something that I know

It’s that I could never really go with the flow

If I’m pulled in one direction, I’ll put up a fight

Because I don’t compromise, I’m always craving for more.

The only time I like in the day

Is when I have things done my way.

 

I’m not compassionate, never have been

Sometimes I pride my tendencies, mean.

No one I know could ever bring something new to the table

And even if they do, interest me long it won’t be able

So it is logical for me to just belong to me

The only kind of belonging that comes easily

 

But yes, I oscillate, hesitate, waver & never conform for long

I might feel quite differently about this once the day is gone

I may be a die-hard romantic, come tomorrow

Whence the idea of dying alone just might bring some sorrow

But now & then, I just take the time to wonder

What if I could give it a chance, what will I find?

To make a choice & stick to it, will it be freeing, or would it bind

How will it be if I were the kind

One who could, without a shadow of a doubt, just make up her mind…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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