Ruin


How long would you try
& distract youself
from the things 
that had mattered to you
& then ceased
How long would you refrain
from touching that which was once 
offered to you in vain
The offer still stands
stands tall, stands strong
offering a hand
which is just out of reach
always, always just that little bit out of reach
How long would you preach
the things you do
to hide
The running you do
scared
scarred
Fighting everything, and everyone
because they don’t understand
& you won’t help them either
Its not your job
its not their demons
its not their life
its yours
as shredded, as together, as well-spun
as the others
with their tales of despair
We all have skeletons in the closet
we all have faith
some have faith in others
others have faith in self
few have faith
in the self-destructive nature
of the universe
that’ll envelop them in its entropy
given time, and patience
You will your dreams to come true
even as sloth overwhelms you
becomes you
dominates you
you are nothing in the world
but then, there is a concept
of a world of your own
and that is what binds you
chains you, confines you
with no clear idea 
of how to escape
The tough choices, you won’t make
you won’t stand up to confess
& none will stand up for you, unless
they get something in return
a give & take world
a cruel, harsh, cold world
where life is lived in episodes
of characters that come & go
but you remain
so conceited, you can’t look beyond your own life 
the world around you burns
children die
& you think that that’s good 
the world had nothing to offer anyway.
You know you should believe
but you don’t
You know you should love
but you don’t
You want to be good
but you just aren’t
never good enough
in your own eyes
the eyes that weep
for all the misery that they’ve seen
yet nothing compared
to the distress of so many others
Yet, you’ve felt your heart break
just like the others
and known why they call it breaking
like someone came in 
chipped off a piece 
and took it with them
making the structure so fragile
the soul will do anything to protect it
but you will deny that
Deny. deny. deny.
You long for peace
yet you would never know how to accept it when it arrived
You long to touch someone else’s life
but you just don’t know how
it doesn’t come naturally
being giving
coz that nature was stripped bare
when you were
It’s a long chapter 
that you had to learn
over time
and you no longer know how to give
Meaningless conversations
mistaken for frienship
are just the sentences you take
to relieve the loneliness of your make
and so you take
and take
and take
You long to give back
but you don’t know how
There is no teacher
except you
& you are not a know-it-all
You dread the future
await the fall
long to want
whatever everyone else does
Yet, never wanting
Stuck. So bloody stuck
With no where to go
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