Musings… while the universe looks on..


Choose your fights – they had said. Sitting at the balcony at almost midnight, I really couldn’t concentrate on anything else other than the formation of the clouds, where one looked like a antelope… and I swear it was galloping… changing into a dog, rekindling my desperate want to have a canine put it’s head upon my lap and greet me. I had choices to make. I had to pick my fights wisely. The current situation warranted that I kept my wishes for the affection a pup on hold. And, as I kept the wish neatly away at the back of my head, as is done with most unfulfilled desires,  once again I congratulated myself on my ability to move on. The clouds were moving by quickly, and it was as if nature was showing me a 3D – white n grey movie.  

 

I wonder if clouds have a mind of their own… I wonder if they could make up my mind for me, since I’m fearful of the path I end up choosing – maybe because, once a choice is made, it is almost impossible for me to go back. And I spend eons on the fence… making up my mind.. weighing heart over head, passion over prospects, honest doubts over friendship. But as is with most things, when it comes to it, circumstances & incidents make the choice for you – and you are either pulled back to the familiar, or pushed towards giving up on the people, comfort or knowledge you once knew.

 

It’s almost midnight. I cherish these moments of solitude. Don’t over think, they warn me. But I had made a choice a long time back to not follow unquestioningly. You could see why I wouldn’t want to jump at taking decisions. The one choice I had made as a teenager had changed the entire course of my life… and last night I found myself at the cross-roads again… I had unlearned to learn something new… only when I checked, I had only unlearned. I had learned nothing new. Could you end up with less knowledge than you began with? The clouds don’t answer my question. They simply play on the show they have on tonight. A star peeps out, making me smile… like an inquisitive kid peering through the curtains to check who the audience is made up of.

 

I had choices to make. Three to be exact. Choices that could no longer be ignored. Two of the three did not leave me a winner, no matter what I chose… and the third?  The third needed determination and grit. The phone rang, breaking me out of my reverie… and when the phone call ended, I went on autopilot to put everything in it’s place. How nice would it be if I could keep everything in it’s place in my head as well… alas, the ancient aliens who put us upon this earth as an experiment have a weird sense of purpose. 

 

I go back to the balcony. I’m such a small speck in this universe… there is just too much to see and do here – and yet, I’m confined to where I stand… the breeze is welcome, the clouds still rushing ahead… I silently implore them to stop & look around before time and life passes them by. But they don’t listen. Maybe they made a choice a while back too…

 

I’m left with one last decision. It is easier to make this one. 

 

I choose to sleep.

 

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