PGM-Chapter 1: Bags and Baggage


The day I booked my one-way ticket, I was only worried about one thing – ‘How would I take all of my junk jewelry?’ I wasn’t quite worried about the fact that I am yet to get a job, make some acquaintances, open a bank account, get a medical card and a social security number or for that matter plan for a roof over my head. No! I was worried about the transfer and well-being of my artificial jewelry. Thank the lord that better sense prevailed and that since then my biggest worry is if I have enough socks!

Friends and family often call me and ask me how I’m managing my excitement. And I quickly tell them that I am looking forward to the daal-chaawal my mum has made for lunch quite excitedly. This causes obvious confusion. They are referring to my move to Canada of course. And I am quite oblivious to the fact that I’m moving. With 7 days to go, one would think I would have a vast number of emotions coursing through me – anxiety, excitement, impatience et all. But I think working in a corporate environment… wait – scratch that – working in the HR domain may have made me too calm for comfort. My usual reaction to everything is “Aan Do!” – loose English translation ‘Will handle whatever comes my way’

Don’t get me wrong – I’ve tried things to psych me about the move. I downloaded the song “Tanha Dil” and sang along with Shaan with full emotion “Aankhon mein sapne liye…ghar se hum chal toh diye”. Upside to that was that I realized I could sing… just, not well and the downside to that was that I was very aware that I was being dramatic. Giving up, I changed the music to my usual 80’s Bollywood ‘Tip Tip Barsa Paani’ and thought about the 15% tips I hadn’t factored in my financial planning involving INR to CAD conversions.

I spend my nights applying to HR jobs via some 10 job board sites and jump every time I see a mail from a potential employer. Till now, those have been auto-acknowledgement e-mails. I spend my days playing Peggle. It’s a game. Not a good one. I daydream about becoming an adventure sports enthusiast there. Then I remember equipment costs money and resume my job hunt. Then I go shopping. Spend some of my savings meant for Canada. And continue my job hunt with renewed fervour.

My father comes around sometimes and sits wherever I’m sitting and starts counting the steps left till I arrive in Canada. It is his way of being with me through my journey.

“…So then you’ll go to the counter, take your ticket, check in your bags… then you’ll board the flight… they’ll offer you food and drinks after a bit” Pause “The layover is too long… Let me give you some more money so you can get yourself a cup of coffee or two” Pause “And then when have done all your formalities, you’ll be a Permanent Resident and then I can say you’re finally settled” 

FATHERS! Papa has already settled me 5 times over – the first day of my graduation, my first job, my first car, the day my passport got made, and now this move! You may not always agree with him but no one is ever there for you like a father is.

My mum keeps making my favorite food. And telling me to find someone for myself there. And to stay fit. She worries about how I’ll get my morning cup of tea. I remind her that before I stayed with her these 2 months, I was on my own for ten years. She nods her head in acknowledgement and says, “Yes… I know…but… still…” On occasion, I’ll say, “Mooooooooommmmmmmiiiiieeee” and she’ll quickly respond “Don’t you dare tell me how many days are left before you leave.” For a very matter of fact family, it is quite amusing for all of us to see understated love being strewn about in all directions at home.

Honestly, I can’t predict what my future has in store and so I’m under-thinking it. But when I do think about it, I just hope that this journey I’m making is worth it. I hope that I’m happy there and that I’m successful enough to take my family along.

And yes, when they make their move, I hope the only thing they worry about is socks.

Love, Pseudosanity
06 Jan 2017