I had once again fallen in love. Well & proper in love. Of course, old habits die hard. I did not know how to show it the first time around & I did not know how to show it this time round either. Hell, I did not know how to feel it the first time round, & the same went for now. When crap hits the ceiling, all I can ever think of is how ‘what goes around, comes around’ is a very apt saying. Maybe if I had not treated that first one so frivolously, I wouldn’t have felt so frivolously treated.
I had once again fallen in love. But I always did fall harder for ultimatums. I fell in love with you when you gave me the ultimatum. I just wish you had also given me the time to come to my senses & take up the offer. But no, it was first come, first served with you. She was there first. She was where you were – geographically & otherwise. Who was I in this picture but a mere former distraction?
I had once again fallen in love. And to be honest, it was bittersweet. More sweet than bitter… but when it came, the bitterness was very potent. I liked the bitter part, too. I wasn’t aware I was capable of feeling the breathtaking emotion with such fervor. It was a very confusing moment of the happy & sad realization that someone could get under my skin so much and for so long. And for that knowledge, & that experience, I would always adore you.
But I am resilient, always have been.
I eventually fell out of love. I wouldn’t let you know if it came naturally or if my brain had to do some serious heart-washing. Point is I fell out of love with you. And what was left in the wake of the explosion of never felt before emotions was the fact that I had lost the friend I once had, who I could talk to whenever & about absolutely everything. Point is that after the entire drama of bottled emotions, tongue-tied confessions, un-dialed phone calls, ultimatums & goodbyes – I still ache to say hello, I’m sorry & that I miss you.